Motherhood-take 2.

Benji Hospital and home with family 026

You know how you never notice things until they are on your mind….like I never (ever) noticed mothers, strollers or babies back in the days before having my own child…or should I say, before I got bit by the baby bug…unless their kids were screaming or they were screaming at them (and that was just solidifying why I didn’t ever want kids-ha). They were all just fuzz in the background of my life. But once that magic day happened and I found myself actually wanting to have a baby, it was like everywhere I looked there was a stroller with a cute baby, a woman with a baby bump, a family to stare at…

But what I never ever thought of when I was looking at them from the “outside” -the pre kid side-was that other parents mothers were also looking at them-with eyes clouded with judgment and opinion and ugly thoughts about right from wrong. I know this sounds so naive but I never ever realized that other mothers judge other mothers. That they were judging me. As a matter of fact, I was blissfully unaware of this until my first child was probably 4 or 5 months old…that’s probably when my sleep deprived brain finally woke up, or maybe that’s when I started to finally get my act together and meet up with and speak to other mothers at the park, play dates and so on. Opinions ran wild and free. So. Many. Opinions. Snarky, judgemental and so many my way is the right way opinions shared freely, mostly by strangers, without my even asking. It was so obvious what was actually being said as I pushed my baby back and forth in his stroller that they had just complimented the color of,  was that I had made the right choice in strollers, because that’s the same stroller they had too. What I didn’t really tell them is that this stroller was my third attempt at buying a stroller that didn’t wobble like it had a flat tire- and that I really didn’t want to shell out a third of what my first car cost to get the stroller they deemed to be the right choice. That the bottle I was feeding my son-even though it read Medela on the side, was actually not filled with breast milk – but, omg -formula. And that while I did take Hypnobirthing classes and give a whirl at labor without medication-that I actually had 4 epidurals over the course of my horrendously long labor and ended up with an (omg) emergency c section (where I was completely intubated and that my husband wasn’t even allowed in the delivery room for). Because oh, the judgement. The snarky “I couldn’t imagine, I labored at home in a tub of rose petals and it was a blissful experience, I’d do it ten more times”. The opinions.

Well this time around the rodeo, I am no clown. I’ll make no mistakes of falling into these traps. At least I intend not to. I know I am being judged. I know that while I silently may be looking at that new mom with the same stroller I returned (twice) and thinking…if she only knew how much better this one is. I know instead not to offer up my stroller opinion but to share a smile and tell her how great she looks and that she has an adorable baby and keep my opinion to myself. I know not to take everything so personally . Even though it is all so very personal. I am looking forward to being less anxious (is that my anxiety meds working   talking or experience, I’m not sure) but one thing I am sure of is myself.

Cheers to sweet baby GG, she’ll be here in just a few short 16ish more weeks and have one confident mama by her side.

xx

Stephanie

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Motherhood-take 2.

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